August 2021

This month has been a whirlwind of emotions. What can I say!? I am currently up at 3:00 am writing because I cannot sleep. At the beginning of August, I was 7 weeks pregnant. I had morning sickness pretty bad and it would last all day. Sometimes I wouldn't even be able to get up off the couch. I kept trying different remedies to help, but nothing seemed to work. I just felt terrible. Dean was able to play with friends a couple times to give me time to rest from him. He had a blast!

Dad's make the best jungle gyms

We headed down to my parents for the weekend. My brother Keldon was going through the temple for the first time on August 7th. It was so nice to go to the temple again. I was able to sit through the session pretty comfortably, but I know I didn't look too great. 

On Sunday, August 8th, I had an ultrasound with a technician who said she would give us a free ultrasound to see if one or 2 embryos. We were thankful for her kindness and willingness to take time out of her day to check for us. We went in to the clinic and found one little flicker. We were happy! We were going to be adding one little to our family. 

Monday came and it was my Dad's birthday. My mom was throwing him a surprise party for his 60th birthday. Dean and I went back to celebrate. We had a lot of fun and I felt alright. I was still pretty sore from the progesterone shots in my lower back. It hurt to get up and down and I was walking pretty poorly, but all in all, we enjoyed seeing everyone!

Mikal and his Dad were able to go up to Alaska and go fishing for a week. While he was gone, I started to get super sick again. I was throwing up now and had no desire to eat. My friend set up some meals to be brought in until Mikal got home. That helped. I was able to eat food that I didn't cook. I also finally found a doctor to go to and got my appointment scheduled for August 24th. 

I found a drink mix that a friend recommended to me that helped with her morning sickness. It was called "herbaby" It made me feel a little bit better and I could actually get up and do things. I was still nauseous, but not like I had been in the past.

Dean adding rocks to Mikal's head 😂

Dean found a permanent marker--

I got a call from a gal in our ward that was looking for a babysitter for her 2 year old little boy, Henry, on Tuesdays & Thursdays from around 8:45 to 3:15. I was starting to feel better and thought that I could do it. Dean needed to be around other kids and learn how to play with them. His first day would be on August 24th. 

August 24th came and it was a good day. I was feeling pretty good. Dean and Henry were having a blast playing with each other. I went in for my first OB appointment, only to find out that my good day would turn out to be a terrible day. A day that I would have never wanted to happen. I found out that my baby had no heartbeat. The baby measured 11 weeks and I was supposed to be just over that. The baby had died just a day or two before coming into my appointment. This news was heartbreaking; especially finding out by myself. We had finally set aside enough funds and decided it was time to try again. We did not know that this was going to be our trial after struggling so hard to even get the procedure to work. 

Mikal and I talked about what we were going to do to have the miscarriage. We decided that a D&C would be the best option because we wanted to be in a controlled environment for the procedure. We did not want to have any complications that would result in me being rushed to the hospital and losing more blood than deemed necessary. We called the doctor the next day and scheduled the D&C for August 26th. 2 days after finding out that I miscarried the baby. Within 3 days our life was completely different. People had no idea what we just went through. 

My mom was able to come up for a few days and watch Dean while I was in surgery and help me recover. She loved her time with Dean and helping out. It was so great to have her here and to have her company. Mom's always make things better; especially when awful situations occur.

While my parents were in Alaska, my Dad was not feeling well. When they got back (August 23rd), my mom made him take a COVID test and he tested positive. I felt bad that she left him for 3 days to help me, when he had been hit pretty hard with the sickness. He hadn't been able to eat much and felt completely horrible. I think this is the worst sickness my Dad has ever gotten in his life. He started not feeling well around the 16th of August and was been bed ridden for the past week. It is now September 1st and he is still confided to his bed. 

My body is healing pretty well physically. My heart still hurts and my mind comes and goes. Sometimes I can't believe it happened. Other times I think nothing has changed. Right now, my mind is numb to the idea that we will not be having another kid for a while. Emotionally I am not prepared for things. I just am living day to day and helping Dean find joy in life. Dean does not really know what happened or what is going on, but he is loving getting all the snuggles and cuddles. He is also really good at giving them to both Mikal and I. We are so thankful and love our little miracle baby. He was brought to us to give us hope. We love him for it. 

I need to focus on Dean. Give him the attention he needs. Help him learn and grow. 

Caught him almost flooding the house!